I don’t know when the messaging to young girls starts, but somewhere along the line many of us are led to believe that our value, worth, influence and lovability are tied to being thin and pretty.

Now, I’m not saying this doesn’t affect men too.  But the pressure and scrutiny on a woman's appearance is a MAJOR theme.

Look at the billion dollar beauty and diet industries.  Who is their target?  Predominantly women (and let’s not even touch the fact that most of them are founded and run by men).

We certainly see this played out in Hollywood.  The object of affection?  The woman with influence?  Young and thin.  But men - they can be old and grey and still get the leading role as sex symbol and hero.

This pressure on women to look a certain way runs deep.  It’s a complex issue rooted in far more than just sexism, agism and patriarchy.  I believe it’s roots run all the way back to the garden of Eden and the enemy’s attack on women and the family.

Women have an important role to play in God’s kingdom.  We are influencers.  Prayer warriors.  Encouragers. We raise up generations and enable (or prevent) our partners and children to walk fully in God’s purpose over their lives.

That’s a huge honour and responsibility.  And the enemy wants to undermine it.  

What better way to do that than to get generations of women believing their worth and purpose is tied to an ever changing and impossible standard of outward beauty.  

I have been on a journey the last 18 months to really root my identity in Christ.  It started as a way to combat the lies the devil was telling me about my mental illness and ability to be used by God (I have bipolar and borderline personality disorder).

But God is sooooo good.  And as I am ready, he is revealing other ways my identity is formed in lies rather than his truth.

Enter in my decision to ditch the dye and let my natural grey hair appear!

This is a very scary endeavour for me to take on if I’m honest.  But it’s the fear I was facing in contemplating this decision that really got me curious.

Why was I afraid of being grey?

I’ve come to realize, after much soul searching and conversations with God, that I was afraid of losing worth.

I was afraid of losing influence.  Afraid of losing value.  Afraid that others wouldn’t accept me.  Afraid I wouldn’t be found attractive or desirable.  Afraid of looking old and therefore not relevant.

What did all these realizations mean for me personally?  

It meant that I had tied my identity and value to my outward appearance rather than to the one who created me.  Who calls me loved.  Who has redeemed me and given my life purpose.

It also meant, which pains me to admit, that I was focused on chasing the world’s acceptance rather than God’s.  

There are a lot of things for me to unpack - things I’m sure I am not even aware of yet that God will show me as I take on this journey to my natural hair.

One thing I am sure of - this is not just going to be a huge physical transformation.  This is going to be a life changing spiritual transformation.

Now hear me on this.  And hear me well.

There is nothing wrong with dying your hair.  It’s not evil.  It’s not a sin.  You are not a holier woman with grey hair then you are with a beautiful head of highlights (i’ll miss my highlights).

This is a personal journey God is taking me on to tear down idols in my life and redirect my identity to be firmly rooted in Christ

I’m scared.  I’m nervous.  I know this won’t be easy.

But I am excited to see what God will do.  And I can’t wait to share it all with you in the process.

To follow the day to day of this journey make sure you are following me on Instagram and Tiktok!