You hear a lot about self love lately. It’s a buzz word really. And one I admittedly use myself.
But was does it REALLY mean?
Many people in the wellness industry - like me, I’m a wellness coach did ya know? - use it to try to emphasize the need for self care - the importance of making filling your cup a priority.
But I think we may have done you a disservice in what we’ve allowed you to believe self love is.
It’s not a pretty picture of "choosing you first" by getting a massage, working out, or getting a blow out that makes you feel fab.
There’s nothing wrong with those things. And sure, they can make you feel good and show up more confident in life.
But I think it misses the BIG picture.
Because self love involves, well….love.
And love ain’t your Hollywood romantic comedy.
No. TRUE love is by its very nature sacrificial.
And what better way to see that then through the one who is LOVE himself.
God’s Love for Us
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. - John 3:16
He GAVE. Giving by nature requires sacrifice. Sacrifice of time. Sacrifice of money. Sacrifice of priorities.
He GAVE. And not just anything. This isn’t your grandma’s re-gifting.
He gave his SON.
Seriously. Comprehend that for a moment momma.
Would you ever be able to sacrifice your child for the love of another????
If you are like me - that’s a hard no. Like. Hard. No.
(But I’ll sacrifice you if you try to touch my son - do you feel me momma’s?).
Here’s the thing though - we are called to love the way God has loved us.
Our Love for Others
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. - John 13:34
Did you catch that? JUST as I have loved you.
You know - that love that led to the cross.
That is the love we are called to show others. A giving love that puts their needs first.
Needs, not wants. We are not called to be doormats.
But love - REAL love - is about sacrificing.
So how does this fit into the self love movement?
We have limited resources. Time. Money. Energy. Resources period. So where we choose to “spend” these resources inevitably means there is nothing left to spend somewhere else.
Something is sacrificed.
So what about self love? How does this apply?
Well, it comes down to making tradeoffs. What are you willing to sacrifice so that you can fill your cup? So you can serve - love - from your overflow?
This is where a lot of self love advocates fall silent.
Because no one wants to talk about sacrifice.
Loving yourself isn’t selfish - it’s not about abandoning all cares and doing what feels right in the moment.
That is NOT self love.
Self love - love itself - is about choosing what is BEST and sacrificing the rest.
So while you may think it feels right in the moment to eat ALL the birthday cake leftovers in the fridge - that is NOT ultimately serving your best interests.
Trying to top a neighbours kids birthday bash for your kiddo? Is that worth sacrificing your peace? Your rest? Your energy? Probably not.
So what’s a girl to do?
Here are my top five items worthy of sacrifice in the pursuit of truly showing yourself love.
1. Negative Self Talk - speak LIFE over yourself and watch your capacity to LOVE grow
2. Processed Foods - fuel your body with nutrient dense foods that contribute to health, healing, energy, vitality and more
3. Mindless Netflix Watching - redeem that time for devotions, personal development, meditation - something that feeds your mind
4. The Comparison Game - this one so has got to go if you truly want to see the beauty in how God made YOU and the specific plan and purpose that’s over your life.
5. “Busyness” - you do not get a medal for being busy. There is no trophy for being run ragged. Instead, schedule in down time. For you AND your family.
What is something you need to sacrifice so you can truly love yourself and honour the person God created you to be?