Show Notes:

In this episode Carla shares her own journey of feeling unlovable in life and looking to others to fill the love void in her life.  Know this - you are fully known and loved by Jesus friend!

Key Takeaways:

- Carla traces her struggle with feeling unloved back to her childhood and having love withheld when she wasn’t “good enough” and explains how that experience formed a core belief in her and how it pervaded the way she continued to live her life including:

  • The partners she chose
  • The friendships she developed
  • Her goals
  • Her finances and even more!

- To feel unlovable based on the actions of others means that we have anchored our lovability in something wavering, when we need to anchor it in Love itself - Jesus’s love for us. This doesn’t erase our need for connection with others - it just triumphs over the pain of what others have done that makes you feel unlovable. You are a loved child of God.

- When we are anchored in the love of Christ, we stop looking to others to prove to us that we are lovable. It allows us to see their expression of love through grace. Carla talks about how she brought her belief in her unlovability into her marriage, and how that caused her to look to her husband to prove that she was lovable. This caused her to interpret his personal areas of struggle as reflections of her value/lovability.

- Carla asks:

  • Has Christ’s love been modeled to you?
  • Have you been hurt by a parent or spouse in a way that makes you question your value and your worth?

- Hurt does need time to heal. Carla talks about how she brought her healing process to God and how she practiced forgiveness. She also talks about the power of boundaries and how not everyone deserves space in your life. If an individual constantly triggers feelings of unlovability, it is appropriate to create boundaries for them.

  • You are NOT at fault for the way others chose to love you. Their inability to love is a condition of their brokenness, NOT your lovability.
  • Take time to validate your pain and grieve. Practice compassion with yourself.

- Are you looking for what God can provide in others? Humans are limited in their capacity to love - not because they don’t want to - our own personal experiences and brokenness affect the way we demonstrate love. What is your source?

- A belief can be challenged and changed! Do not set up camp in the core belief that you are unloveable. The process of believing that you are lovable is an everyday practice of addressing the lie and replacing it with truth.

-  GOD LOVES YOU. This is your anchor when you need to remind yourself that you are lovable.

Affirming Truths:

- I am loved just as I am.


Scripture References:

- *Key Scripture: Romans 8:38-39

- Jeremiah 31:3

- Psalm 136:2

- Lamentations 2:22


If you are stuck in negative self-talk, sick and tired of your mental spiral, being run by anxiety, jealousy & fear and you are ready to step out and put in the work to renew your mind - send me an email to see if 1-on1 mentoring with me is the right fit for you!

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